College Football Crapshoot: This Means War
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It’s the final College Football Crapshoot of the regular season (we promised ourselves we wouldn’t cry) and with big games at every turn, I refuse to shy away from any of them.
Bowl season is coming to a bingo hall near you (for most teams that’s pretty much what it feels like) and after working with a crack team of handsomely paid researchers, we have concluded that the more syllables are in your bowl game the crappier season you had. Once you go over 3 syllables you’ve truly hit ‘bingo hall’ territory. Examples include the following:
The Rose Bowl (One Syllable, BCS Bowl, Big 10 Champ vs. Pac-10 Champ)
The Sugar Bowl (Two Syllables, BCS Bowl, SEC Champion vs. At-Large)
The Fiesta Bowl (Three Syllables, Big-12 Champion/At-Large vs. At-Large)
…and then there’s…
Advocare V100 Independence Bowl (Four Syllables, 7th best Team in The Big 12 vs. An SEC Scrub)
The Papajohn’s.com Bowl (Five Syllables, Big East vs. Lowest Ranked SEC Team)
Toady’s Humanitarian Bowl (Six Syllables, pits Mountain West against The WAC)
The Bernie Madoff Investment’s National Incorporation Bowl (8 Syllables…Okay, I just made that one up)
With this in mind, here’s what we know so at this point in the bowl game:
The University of Troy will Play in The R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
Kentucky University Will Play in The Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl
Notre Dame may have its sights set on The Brut Sun Bowl (Beggars can’t be choosers)
Navy will Play in The Texas Bowl
The University of Tennessee Will Play in The Chic-Fil-A Bowl
Auburn University Will Play in The Outback Bowl
Ole Miss Will Face off against Oklahoma State in The Cotton Bowl (Should be called the preseason favorites turned underachiever’s bowl)
Ohio State Will Play Either Oregon or Oregon State in The Rose Bowl
AND HERE’S WHAT I KNOW IS GOING TO HAPPEN
I KNOW That Texas will Sandblast Nebraska. Anything less than a double digit wins for The loaded Longhorns in a down Big-12 Conference would be uncivilized. The Cornhuskers made The Big 12 Conference Championship the same way The Reader won all those Oscars: Because everything else in the field just sucked worse. At what point will The Cornhuskers look around at each other and ask “What the hell are WE doing here?” I assume their thank you letters to Sam Bradford and Mike Gundy are in the mail.
I KNOW That Clemson will beat GA Tech outright. All season long ACC Team’s have disappointed just when you think they’re ready for prime time. Georgia Tech has arguably been the most consistent team in ACC play since their one-sided loss to Miami, but their recent loss to in-state rival Georgia down the stretch could make them prone to one of those hangover beatdowns as they travel to play their second game away from home in three weeks. That C.J. Spiller guy won’t help their chances either.
HERE’S WHAT I THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN
I THINK Florida will win a one-sided contest against Alabama. The loss of All-American DT Calros Dunlap is the only thing that makes me unsure as to whether or not Florida can run away with this one. In a revenge game with ‘Bama boasting, what The SEC wants you to believe, the best runningback in the country The Tide just may roll against Florida. However Alabama has become more and more dependent on its running game as its quarterback play erodes, and two quick scores by a quick and versatile Florida team could put this one out of reach leaving Alabama with very little chance to come back without a threatening passing attack. Call me crazy, but Florida wins BIG. I think.
I THINK Oregon wins The Civil War. Picking against The Ducks at home will likely produce the same effect, in hindsight, of picking The Bears to go tp The Superbowl, ain’t that right Pete? With a game that should be nothing sort of a classic, a mistake-free Jeremiah Masoli with Eric Dickerson and the nation’s most explosive offense (whatever that means) will outscore the crap out of The Beavers. Oregon becomes the next threat to Jim Tressel’s legacy.
Oregon State Wants Revenge for the Civil War beatdown Oregon handed them last year, but we like the Ducks at home
HERE’S WHAT I’M PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT
I’m Probably WRONG, but Washington will beat Cal. Washington has gotten better and better and grown as a team as the season progresses. Cal is, well, Cal.
I’m Probably WRONG, but #14 Pittsburgh will upset #5 Cincinnati. Pitt has been flying under everyone’s radar all season, and with the recent distractions (don’t kid yourselves, they were distractions) at Cincinnati regarding The Notre Dame job, Pittsburgh’s slow home turf should stop Cincinnati’s dream run dead in its track.
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Tags: BCS, Big 12 Conference Championship 2009, Brian Kelly Notre Dame, College Football, SEC Championship 2009, The Civil War 2009
