Bears Hit Panic Button, Sign Julius Peppers
__________________________________________________________________________Take a nice whiff of a Chicago Bear and you will detect the unpleasant aroma of desperation.
The Chicago Bears continued their curious offseason by signing above-average, yet non-game changing Defensive End Julius Peppers. Peppers has a tendency to disappear in games and has earned an unflattering reputation of being more of a system-lineman who thrives in the 4-3 defense yet struggles in a thinking-man’s defensive scheme. Under newly promoted defensive coordinator and 0-16 ringleader Rod Marinelli, The Chicago Bears will be running a cover-2 scheme where the plays are run through the middle linebacker and Julius Peppers may be forced to do his best impression of Aaron Kampman of 2009 (which isn’t a good thing).
The Julius Peppers desperation deal, designed strictly to keep Lovie Smith from being released to the American Jungle known as unemployment, is not the only questionable hire that has been made by Chicago this offseason.
In a world and an economy that was largely built around the principle of buying low and selling high, The Chicago Bears have in essence become Rupert Murdoch who purchased MySpace for $580 million despite the website quickly eroding into an archaic form of social networking (with its slow loading and spam messages) at the time of its purchase.
What really stands out to me is that The Chicago Scared’s inked Mike Martz to a deal. Mike Martz, a man once thought of as a mad scientist, yet through the test of time (a test he failed worse than if Derek Rose would have actually taken the SAT’s) was later exposed as a bad scientist. A bad scientist living off of a once-vaunted reputation. 
Jay Cutler threw 26 interceptions last season, by far an NFL high. In order to ‘fix’ Jay The Bears brought in Mike Martz to ‘help’ Jay develop as a quarterback.
Really?
Keep in mind that quarterbacks under Mike Martz’ tutelage include Kurt Warner (22 INTs in 2001 ), Marc Bulger (22 INTS in 2003), and Jon Kitna (22 INTs in 2006). Now tell me how that will correspond to Jay Cutler (26 INTs in 2009) improving in the accuracy department. No, Mike Martz isn’t throwing those interceptions, but pairing Mike Martz’ aggresive playcalling scheme with a low rent Brett Favre like Jay Cutler will be like checking a cocaine addict into a rehab clinic bankrolled by the Noriega.
Other sucker signings that the Bears have fell for include
Brandon Manulmaleuna, who was signed to a 5 year deal. Let’s be nice and assume he isn’t out of his prime yet. He will be by game 6.
Chester Taylor, who signed a 4 year deal for $12.5 million. Taylor is a runningback who will be entering his ninth NFL season. That’s the NFL equivalent to a 1995 Ford Mustang.
Abe Vigoda, who turned 89 this year and whose best years are clearly behind him. Abe will be called upon to fill the gap as a starting interior lineman and will be expected to slow down individuals three times his size and three/fourths his age.
Basically The Chicago Bears have hit the panic button. It’s obvious. They took a risk last season by basically going Mike Ditka with their draft in favor of Jay Cutler, and in essence rolled snakeyes and lost all their chips to that dealer who always seems to smirk only when you lose (I fucking hate that guy). 
The Chicago superglue, stopgap extravaganza needs to be successful this year in order to grant Lovie Smith and that coaching staff the job security in which they so dearly covet. I applaud Chicago for implementing a win-now strategy in recent years. It’s just too bad (for them) that they’re trying to do so with losers.
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Tags: Chicago Bears Julius Peppers, he's got nothing else to do, NFL, NFL Free Agency, They Really should sign Vigota
