The Gorilla Press: World War II Commences
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Sunday, March 7, 2010
THE SHEET
Lanny Poffo Dies at 84 [Baltimore Sun]
Sting expected to appear at Impact on March 8 [PW Torch]
Hogan hints RVD has signed with TNA [The Bleacher Report]
More guest hosts announced for WWE RAW [Wrestlingnewsworld]
GORILLA CLIP OF THE WEEK I
Back when the Kane character was hot, he was an annual featured act at Wrestlemania. For a three year period, from Wrestlemania 14 to Wrestlemania 2000 (16), Kane had three separate run-ins with his most famous arch rival. WWE Hall of Famer Pete Rose.
GORILLA CLIP OF THE WEEK II
TNA has launched a viral video campaign to get you to tune into the first five minutes of TNA Impact this Monday night as The Monday Night Wars resume.
SHOWSTOPPER
FROM RAW
Bret/Vince Falls flat. I’m not one of those oblivion smarks who think the world is coming to an end after one bad week of a feud, but this whole Bret/Vince feud has definitely taken an unnecessary turn with Bret on crutches all of a sudden. This feud doesn’t need crutches, or bad female drivers, or John Cena in full-on suckup mode, or Batista or any of that. Just Bret vs. Vince. One guy was wronged by the boss and is here to get his revenge one and for all. Nice, simple to the point. There was really nothing wrong with the promo with Bret and Vince this past week, but I felt that Bret finally challenging McMahon to a match at Wrestlemania after once again being punked was deflating to say the least. Hopefully this feud gets its steam back in the home stretch.
Who knew Batista had it in him? We, here at The Gorilla Press, have been big fans of Batista’s recent heel turn, and this week was no exception. In fact, it’s official: Batista has officially hit his stride as a full-on heel. Batista promoed circles around yet another John Cena obligatory and interchangeable everyman promo. It was a great touch to have Batista escorted to the ramp by security with the reason being security is here to protect Batista from Cena rather than the other way around. Batista and Cena got the steam that Bret/Vince currently lacked. Once these two feuds get on the same page on the RAW side of things, ’26 will have a chance to be among the best ever.
FROM IMPACT
Talk about a freakin’ Rope Opera. The Go-home episode for Monday Night Impact served as more of a public service announcement as to why casual viewers should not tune into TNA Impact this Monday. Foley’s etiquette class, Hogan’s internal dilemma, endless promos for endless feuds, and Jeff Jarrett cleaning toilets were virtually substituted for the 2 hour ‘Wrestling’ show that universally criticized writer Vince Russo wants no part of. The final scene of a storyline-heavy show featured Ric Flair, who would get busted open combing his hair, losing an ungodly amount of blood en route to another sure job to Hulk Hogan. This was a bad episode of Impact that needed to be a good commercial for a big move for a company that seems to have put all its eggs in the Hulk Hogan basket. Let’s hope, for TNA’s sake, that the intrigue of the casual fan is still there come March 8th.
FROM SMACKDOWN
Money in the Blech! Is it just me, or does the Money in the Bank matchup read like a who’s who of guys who have been cut off at the legs and/or given up on by the WWE. This mathcup, of Ziggler, Benjamin, Matt Hardy, Swagger, Kane, and Christian would have been intriguing and exciting had these guys sustained the pushes they received sometime within the past few years. However this year’s Money in the Bank matchup looks to be a public service announcement for career rehab. For the most part, superstars who have made it into The Money in the Bank match elicit the following reaction from me within seconds:
Oh, [insert floundering superstar] is on TV…Wait a minute, he’s gonna be in Money in the Bank?!
The ‘Spear’ Chant is sweeping the nation! The Edge/Jericho feud has built-in animosity as Jericho treated Edge like an afterthought after he was seriously injured while the two were tag team champs. However The WWE is going a different route to plug this feud. Shoving a spear down your throat. Edge’s spear, coupled with ‘spear’ chants is the type of ‘for the kids’ hype that needs t obe averted during Wrestlemania season. Have these guys get in there and promo the shit out of each other. Jericho needs to remind the world of how injury-prone and weak Edge is, and how he (Jericho) has never been seriously injured in his WWE career (which is true). Jericho needs to be trying to injure Edge once and for all leading up to Wrestlemania like a true heel. Not all this ‘Spear! Spear! Spear!’ nonsense. This isn’t the movie 300, it’s professional wrestling. Act like it.
TIP THE HOST
Cheech and Chong were nothing short of a glaring abomination as guest hosts. The WWE has been pigeonholed into programming to a PG audience, and Cheech and Chong’s pot-smoking antics forced The WWE to use Lucky Charms as a pathetic euphamism as a drug utilized to get high. Cheech and Chong were yet another exhibit proving the WWE needs to do away with The Guest Host Angle. We leave these two clowns with a $3 tip. Don’t blow it all on weed.
THE SHOOT
World War II. TNA is making its return to Monday Nights. Flair and Hogan make their return to nationally televised wrestling. The first five minutes will include a surprise that will get the wrestling world talking. RVD is rumored to be there. Jeff Hardy is rumored to be there. And The WWE…could give a shit.
WWE RAW countering Hogan and Flair’s domestic in-ring return with Vince McMahon vs. John Cena seems to be a subtle mocking of the absurdity of Impact’s billed main event. RAW will continue to do its thing as it would on any other Monday Night until Impact proves that it has something lethal that the big dog needs to be worried about, which sadly in my opinion may be never. After all, why should The WWE be concerned with anything Impact is doing? TNA Impact is the same company that fpicked the wrong star (Abyss) to give the Hogan rub to, and did so by using a WWE Hall of Fame ring as a source of power. Somebody pitched that idea and a group of experienced professional creative writers didn’t laugh in their face. In fact, they felt it was a good idea. Aaargh.
TNA Impact needs to build up its home grown talent so that they can showcase their superior in-ring skill and create the alternative that TNA needs to be to keep viewers on their show whenever WWE RAW happens to be stinking up the joint. I’ll be watching Impact this Monday, but I’d watch wrestling if the featured attraction was two gorillas throwing poo in each others’ faces (which is what Impact may end up being with Flair and Hogan in the main event). What TNA needs to start doing is focusing on the casual fan who wants a product they feel is fresh, new, and entertaining. Only then will World War II be just that. A war.
FINISHERS
We leave you with my opinion of TNA signing RVD. This rant was featured on Kevin Eck’s Ring Posts blog (as a comment), and I felt it merited appearing on The Gorilla Press. Enjoy:
RVD really does embody the spirit of ECW.
Great for a short period of time, but otherwise overrated.
I know the Internet Wrestling Community code dictates that one cannot speak kindly of Hulk Hogan, Triple H, or Vince McMahon, and that one must bow down in undying support to the The Daniel Bryans, Paul Heymans (after he’s worn out HIS welcome) and RVD’s of the world, but I’m going to act as the heel in this situation.
Rob Van Dam is good, not great. Impressive, not breathtaking. Solid, not legendary. He is the shining personification of the very fact that absence makes the heart grow fonder as many fans have clamored for his art-imitating-life gesture of pointing his thumbs to himself.
Perhaps Van Dam’s prolonged absence has made the hearts of wrestling smarks grow too fond.
But not this one.
Van Dam is not the type of guy you want to be building a wrestling company around. Van Dam is self-absorbed, wants the company to work around HIS schedule (which in all fairness may or may not be a good thing), and isn’t quite the world championship material that many diehard ECW apologists will lead you to believe he is (remember what happened when The WWE finally made the mistake of listening to diehard fans and pulled the trigger on an RVD title run? I do)
In an interview that basically flew under the radar, RVME recently said that he is not interested in going to work for TNA if it involves him putting over lesser named talent, such as Christopher Daniels, as he has ‘beat’ the likes of The Big Show, The Rock,and Steve Austin.
Gee, Rob, what if Austin, Rock, and Show had that same mentality when you came to The WWF after ECW had folded? Does that thought even cross your mind? No, of course not, because you’re R-V-ME.
Van Dam’s me-first attitude is the last thing that a fledgling company like TNA needs in its locker room. Many are fooled by his laid-back, ‘it’s all good’ demeanor but I know the truth. That Rob Van Dam, while talented and a good hand to have on any mainstream wrestling program, is the same self-absorbed gloryhound that all team-first companies should work to avoid.
Good luck with the RVME experience, TNA. Mind you, TNA is the same company that greenlighted a Nasty Boy’s reunion tour.
You’d better find some talent ‘worthy’ of beating RVD because I just don’t see many names on that roster that RVD would lay down for. No, not even A.J. Styles. I mean who is A.J. Styles after all? Has HE beaten The Big Show?
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