The Gorilla Press: SHUT UP Swagger Fan, Anderson Wins Hall Pass, THAT’S Not How You Make an Impact!
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Sunday, April 11, 2010
THE SHEET
TNA to add new show on Monday Nights [TNAwrestlingnews]
Linda McMahon ‘Bombshell’ reveals McMahon tipped doctor of steroid probe [Theday.com]
Orlando Jordan scores contract extensions [Pwrestlingnews.com]
Former TNA writer Dutch Mantell blasts TNA [PWTorch]
GORILLA CLIP OF THE WEEK
There is nothing like a great worked shoot, and this classic segment on RAW back in 1997 where Bret Hart (kayfabe) quit the WWF was the beginning of what would prove to be a pivotal Bret Hart heel turn. Hart shined on this night, and would go on to do so throughout his ensuing heel run in the WWF leading to his unceremonious exit.
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SHOWSTOPPER
RAW
Is Jack Swagger gonna die? That’s what the reaction has been like just two weeks into Jack Swagger’s improbable World title run. That’s because in the past two weeks on RAW, Swagger has taken two pinfall losses to Randy Orton. The answer to this question is simple: No. Jack Swagger is not going to die, nor is he being buried before his title run begins despite some questionable booking. I have no problem with the way Jack Swagger jobbed to Randy Orton this past week. He was in a competitive match with a top star who is a former multi-time champion, and he held his own. It’s believable. Remember when The New Orleans Saints lost their first game of the season to the more prestigious The Dallas Cowboys just weeks before the playoffs? Many wrote The Saints off as ‘pretenders’ after this loss, yet does anybody mind telling me what would eventually become of Who Dat? Exactly.
Many are taking exception to John Cena’s mocking comments towards Swagger’s opportunistic title win by crying foul because Cena’s ‘burying’ Swagger. Why? Jack Swagger’s a heel who took the easy way out in winning a world championship in true heel fashion. He’s supposed to be perceived as undeserving in order to attract heel heat. As long as the announcers put Jack Swagger over on commentary, Swagger holds his own in the ring and eventually puts together a string of impressive victories, any anti-Swagger comments made by Cena should simply be perceived as a babyface making anti-heel comments. Nothing more, nothing less.
Overreactions are for the irrational, and while there are facets of Swagger’s character that I do take liberties with (we’ll get into that later), there is no reason to hit the panic button on Jack Swagger’s title run…yet.
Maryse uses her mouth. Maryse on commentary is quite entertaining anytime we are blessed with such a treat, sometimes unintentionally. My favorite moment with Maryse on commentary was after Eve won her match and Maryse submitted that she needed to adjust her belt size for a bigger waste. Off the cuff, Michael Cole (reasonably) responded to that barb by telling Maryse that she was conceding defeat if she had plans to adjust the belt size to an opponents waste. Maryse went quiet. Brilliant.
Is Kofi Kingston gonna die? I sure hope not. Kofi just needs to hold on for dear life for a few more weeks before he is saved in the form of being drafted to Smackdown! It’s quite baffling how Kofi has been treated since literally soaring in the worlds’ most famous arena, and his quick job to Sheamus was no exception. With a roster that is thin in the babyface department, Kofi Kingston is ready to step up as one of the top babyfaces in the entire company especially if the WWE finally decides to pull the trigger on a John Cena heel turn. Hang in there, Kofi, April 26th is closer than you think.
Big Nasty’s WWE NXT Ratings
One week after the pro’s polls have been revealed, it’s time to bring back Big Nasty’s WWE NXT Ratings. Because half-naked men carrying kegs are cause for some serious activity on the totem pole.
- Daniel Bryan- I call what The WWE is doing to Daniel Bryan a ‘neg’ push. Any true pickup artist (something I’m not) knows that a neg is defined as a backhanded compliment designed to make a female feel insecure about herself, thus making her vulnerable to your charm – or something like that. Daniel Bryan, despite jobbing every week, is being booked in such a way that he is getting over with the fans, is #1 in the pro’s poll and will get a nice pop if and when he finally does go over. Weird. But like I always say, if it gets bitches in the sack, then it’s got to work for pro wrestling right? Right?
- David Otunga- We don’t need to wait six weeks to find out the winners of WWE NXT. David Otunga and Daniel Bryan are going to be used past this show, and Otunga’s loss to Wade Barret fresh off of being the most involved guest host on The WWE’s flagship in quite some time meant nothing.
- Wade Barrett- Let the mancrush continue to flow like Mike’s Hard Lemonade at a hot girl party. We love Wade Barrett and he will breakout from this pack as one of the sure fire stars. To take a page from Jericho’s handbook, did you see him just standing there on Smackdown! this past week!! Look at that presence!
- Heath Slater- Along with Daniel Bryan, Heath Slater is the only superstar who stands out as a ‘real wrestler’ without training wheels attached. And why not, the man spent his entire adolescence in WWE Developmental, or so it seemed. It’s good to finally see Slater featured under the WWE umbrella. Slater’s match with Kane, while underwhelming in the ratings, was good for his Q-rating. Slater needs to keep up the good work and he will be taken care of.
- Justin Gabriel- We’re slowly starting to sour on Justin Gabriel as he just seems to be a one-trick pony. Michael Cole loves this kid, but would it be a stretch to say that this human 450 splash is just a tad overrated?
- Darren Young- Since the rankings are worked, I tend to believe that the creative team put more thought into the #1 and #8 rankings. Darren Young ranked at #8 told me that creative had plans to create entire an angle around such an undesirable statistic and I have every reason to pat myself on the back (Barry Horowitz) after a week that saw Young go over the #1 rookie Daniel Bryan and be prominently featured on a Smackdown! segment with CM Punk.
- Michael Tarver- I’m convinced that Michael Tarver is on this list because Kaval would have stolen Daniel Bryan’s heat. Despite being the only NXT rookie with his own merchandising deal, Tarver has been treated as an afterthought. It was nice to see him get some heat for dropping the keg, but something tells me he was just doing his impression of what WWE Creative has done with his character.
- Skip Sheffield- The WWE has already given up on the fun-loving goofball character as we saw the first heel-turn of the season. His career will be next.
IMPACT
The Motor City Machine Guns compete in a #1 contendership match…after winning a #1 contendership? That we paid to see? You heard right. At Destination X, The Motor City Machineguns won the hallmark match of the Destination X pay per view (The Ultimate X Match) with the #1 contendership for the tag team titles on the line. Just weeks later, TNA sticks them in a #1 contendership match with Team 3D just so Wolfpack The Wolfpac The Band We’re still workin on it, just stick with The Wolfpack can have something new to spray paint.
So that match that 12 people paid to see on pay per view is now devalued. In this economy, if you thought the dollar couldn’t mean less, TNA just proved you wrong.
I’m done giving TNA the benefit of the doubt. They flat out screwed this one up because the creative team simply forgot that The Motor City Machineguns were The #1 contenders. Shame on TNA.
A.J. Stylin’ and Profilin’…in a T-Shirt? In Exhibit B of TNA’s inability to pay attention to details, the fans were given a polite reminder of the fact that Styles and Pope were still in a feud when A.J. attacked Pope after Pope went over Desmond Wolfe. A.J. Styles, who is trying to be the next Ric Flairesque heel, was wearing jeans and a Lockdown T-shirt. When is the last time you saw Ric Flair wearing jeans and a t-shirt? Is this TNA’s way of subtly telling us that the nonsensical supergroup of Flair and A.J. is going to split? No. TNA doesn’t do subtle, this was just yet another minor detail that slipped through their fielding mits (Bill Buckner).
Anderson wins Hall Pass. So lemme get this straight, Kurt Angle almost died…for a Hall Pass? In what was an intense battle for the key to bad booking, Ken Anderson had his best match in TNA for the right to unlock the cage at Lockdown. I’m not even going to begin to try to wrap my brain around this one, but I will say it is refreshing to hear that Kurt Angle plans to take time off after Lockdown. The guy looked prehistorically terrible moving around in the ring (Hulk Hogan) and if anybody needs to recharge their batteries it’s Kurt.
The Knockouts championship belt changes hands. Literally. And by ‘literally’, I mean in a box. Like a discount magic trick (Lance Burton), Victoria’s run as Knockouts champion disappeared. No pinfall. No submission. Just boxes. The way wrestling was meant to be if your name is Vince Russo. It’s worth noting that there will be a Leather and Laces match next week between Angelina Love and Velvet sky and the match may or may not be for The Knockouts title.
SMACKDOWN
Is Jack Swagger Gonna Die, II? Didn’t I already answer this question? Swagger looked good on Smackdown, was put over immensely (Austin), and *wait for it* HE WON! My main problem with this character is – well – the lack thereof. I question The WWE taking away his bells and whistles (beating his chest, pre-match pushups) so that he can be taken ‘more seriously’ as champion. Usually when The WWE takes away somebody’s bells and whistles (like Jericho’s Christ pose), it’s either because it was something they did as a babyface or something that the crowd was so familiar with that it began to receive babyface heat. The thing with Swagger is A. He’s been heel since day 1 and B. None of his pre-match antics have ever gotten over in the first place.
The WWE needs to let Swagger fly. Let him beat his chest, let him flash that d-bag smile of his, let him do his pushups. I think it’s a mistake for them not only to take all these unique aspects of his character away, but to turn around and have top stars make fun of his speech impediment when he is to be taken seriously.
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TIP THE HOST
Otunga is RAW was fun to watch, interesting at points, and wasn’t the all out trainwreck that RAW is liable of being with so many guest hosts who know nothing about the product. Expect to see Otunga on RAW for many shows to come. We leave David Otunga with a $7.22
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THE SHOOT
For this week’s version of The Shoot, please visit The Bleacher Report for my take on the state of black wrestler’s in pro wrestling.
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FINISHERS
We leave you with the return of The Monday Night SpreadSHREDDER!
WWE RAW(-2.2) over TNA iMPACT! TNA iMPACT! experienced a nice little spike in the ratings but at what expense? With one of their worst booked shows of the year, expect many people to be turned off (Lance Storm) by what TNA has decided to put on their television sets. It’s worth noting that this is a go-home show for a pay per view that has been poorly built up considering the main event has been in the works for two months. WWE RAW will emanate from London tomorrow night. The change of scenery from the states to overseas, like iMPACT’s change of scenery from the Impact Zone to other arenas, will create a fresher product. Oh, and get ready for the biggest pop of the night to go to David Hasselhoff. Hyperbole aside, he is to the overseas viewing public what Jesus Christ is to Christians.
RAW 3.4, iMPACT! .81
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Tags: Dutch Mantell Blasts TNA, Jack Swagger Heavyweight Champion, The Gorilla Press Pro Wrestling Blog, TNA Impact Ratings, TNA News, WWE News, WWE RAW Ratings
